Only now and then begins a new 10-day week. 3 early shifts, then 7 nights, then again only 3 days off. And so it goes on. No end in sight. Like a machine. So I feel also. No time to make friends or to do something. Not even time for a walk. The 3 days between services hardly reach to all shopping, doing the laundry, to undertake consultations and to clean the apartment. This constant money worries and a body that no longer works. Enough whining. I still have a job, a warm home to eat, enough. For this I should be grateful. I am also thankful for my cats. I am looking forward to it when I get home. They accept me the way I am. They do not care that I will always ugly. Sometimes I wonder if they would look for another home if they could, whether they are happy with me. You have no choice. They have only me.
A has sent an email. I do not answer. Why? She has no time really for me. I need to understand the finite. No one wants my friendship. Contact non-binding, some small talk, but nothing beyond that. No interest in talking to me. Still no Skype installed. I have no home.
Vereinsamt (Friedrich Nietzsche)
The crows scream
drag and whirring wings to Town:
Soon it will snow -
Happy the man who now has homes.
Now you're standing rigid,
look back, oh, how long, what are you fool
fled before winter in the world?
The World - a gateway to a thousand
deserts dumb and cold;
who lost, what you have lost
, nowhere does halt.
Now you're standing pale,
cursed the winter wandering,
the smoke the same, always looking for
the colder skies.
Fly, birds, buzzing
your song in the desert bird sound.
hiding, you fool,
your bleeding heart in ice and scorn.
The crows scream
drag and whirring wings to Town:
Soon it will snow -
Woe to him who has no home.
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