"Alone"
I feel left all alone. I simply do not remember what to do. I think I'm in a crisis. It's like I'm standing in front of a door that I must open. But I do not know if it is still open or closed, because I do not trust, because I'm afraid there might then see the whole truth, or will recognize and I'm sure it will kill me fast.
All the people I love accidental entry let me down. My father was still reported even once with me, he is still not even talk to me, so that our relationship again improved. My so called friends no longer speak with me and they care not for how I feel. Well I live now not in Schlüchtern. They do not even ask how I feel, if they can help me somehow. They're all too busy with their own happiness. And I can not even blame them.
When I look in the mirror and I hate myself and my life bschissenes. I hate my father. Who is doing something for his child? And the longer it lasts the more I realize that we have nothing in common except the last name and a few genes, but not emotionally ... no closer connection.
I can not ever go into hiding with my mother.
I can not ever sleep on an air mattress and living out of suitcases.
I hate my life, because in love every time is so complicated.
I do not go on slowly and I lose my strength. I'm tired of the constant fighting against my environment. It would be the first time in my life that I would give up.
And I can not go away simply because there are people whom I love as my band mates. I can not stop at "Y", which is my only "power station", because when I stand with them on stage or work with you to sample or just together, then I'm happy.
Sometimes I was 5 years old again, the perfect age in life. And sometimes I would like to hear that someone tells me that everything will be all right, even if it looks after.
I'm Opti Meters, I think until the last moment that everything changes for good and until now, always happens. But since in this situation now or in this stage of life I'm sick of Opti Measures be.
Why fight for the people not to an Interested persons are at heart? Why do they let go one just like that? Why are some easy to see how symbolic jump in front of a train and then say oh well maybe he or she needs it?
I've become so thoughtful. My head always thinks after, what should I stay or to return or not ..... but he finds no easy solution, no key that fits into the door on which I stand.
I feel alone, veroren, abandoned and unloved. People come to me in the back and I do not know who I can trust myself or whether I can be trusted at all. I'm sitting in a carousel and I miss every time the Absprug. And so I have to turn a round, because it never stops. I doubt if I'll ever reach my goals.
And the moment I put my entire life into question. Why am I doing this to me? Why am I staying here? Why? So I collapse mentally?
It is frightening how many things you are less than they had imagined would have a reality at once. And I do not know if this is my fate, whether I'll finish it.
My sense of life, the love is gone ... even or making them at the moment a wide berth around me. You let me down easy. I'm not nearly as strong as it expected the rest of the world to me. Sarah will be with all done so is a strong personality. I am totally
kapput inside me. And heal my wounds, because every time they are reopened. This is
blatant fact that I have always considered my father, I am drawn to him because I knew of interest that he is otherwise no more for me and my sister, he would no longer inform, if not one of his Children would wohenen with him. And I have unfortunately proved right, because he reports no longer do so. Neither me nor my sister. Some people simply should not have children should share in the world. That sounds harsh but the truth is, after all, the child must then cope the rest of his life so that his Eltern so bescheuert waren.
Ich hab es lange genung probiert.
Und ich kann nicht mehr.
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