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Horatio waits

She calls me suddenly. Is silent on the phone. Then says: "Well, tell it!" I'm surprised, do not quite know what to say. Stammel something trivial. Fortunately, she begins to talk to myself then, as soon not hear well again. She has no one to talk, or better, they can only talk on the phone. The telephone is now their only connection to the outside. You can no longer in place, can make their shopping trip no more, is too weak. The man she is too silent, too grouchy. She goes by the persons with whom they can talk on the phone. I am not the first choice, that's clear to me. I will be ringing if the other is not there. Or has no time. I should tell you something new. But I was never good at talking to her, can not even talk on the phone well. It is not me. Also, I rarely talk about personal things, not even when I have direct contact. I dig the little bit together, I can tell, not much, my life is uneventful. And the important things I told her before. But it has itself a little gossip and things from the relationship, they can report. I listen to so that there now and then an 'aha' or 'eh' from me, that she realizes that I'm still there. She may have also been waiting to hear that I am at the weekend. I have also before, but I can rouse but not to speak of. Actually, I have no motivation. It might be enough if I go Easter. "Well then," she says suddenly, "to spent well. Greet all beautiful to me!" She's had enough of me as a silent listener realizes that she finds nothing of interest here. "Well then, you do it well," I say. We hang up. I want to cry, shout, throw something against the wall. She is ill and she dies and I just do not know what to do with it. We never had a close relationship, I'm blaming it so much. Would probably never have the chance, would have to do sooner. But we were both overrun out of life, each in its own way. There is so much bitterness in me, I do not at all where it comes from the. I cry so do not throw anything, do not cry. Take out everything so how come I had long enough rebelled against trying to make the best of it. I will probably go on Sunday after all.

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Saturday

Saturday.
The day before Sunday. I'll try to
take some photos today.
It's raining and I love it.
wind and rain and time.
I try to become more slow to save the time.
For me and him and love.
Maybe I can write again.
It needs the perfect time and a perfect place.
Writing I can give him the love he needs to stay alive.
That is how I can stay alive.

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'm back

I wanted to say hello fast only once. 'm Back. I have my week off, and therefore more time appointments, and I also try to be diligent and to write my stories. The weather is great this week, the sun is doing really well.

I do not complain. Life lived like that. As always. Smaller and major disasters line the track, so nothing special.

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Working week

This week I have to work and less time to write to my journal. But today I had off and I was in town to run some errands. I met my son and got his laundry with the urge to request wash it as fast as I could, because he would need it soon. LOL

I had a coffe in the mall and managed to write a little piece of my German Horatio story. Today was a good day! : 0)

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family reunion

Oh man, that was a day yesterday. My sister was there and we both tried to talk about our parents. My sister is already 44, but what has it been since yesterday on its own sounded as if it was 15th My daughter behind asked: "How was it it, is it always so childish?" No, I think it's just in their life crisis and the self-discovery trip. Since it obviously has not been so much sense for such unpleasant things as a mother who is dying slowly. Am I cynical? Maybe, but I'm a bit tired, always alone responsible for everything to be. Our mother is behaving even childish, because my sister has to go one better place?